she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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