She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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