I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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