I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
