youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
