I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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