I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The Olympian is in my bed
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