hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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