I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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