i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I love you. Go after that dick
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
