What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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