im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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