I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
