A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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