she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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