how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
