the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
