i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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