So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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