Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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