She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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