Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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