I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
