i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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