sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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