SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
