why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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