I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
