I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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