who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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