were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Enjoy the penises
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
