i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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