but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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