every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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