"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
