smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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