you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
