you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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