all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
