So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
