omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
