this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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