I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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