i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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