We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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