ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
