I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
