U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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