How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
