Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
