You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
