And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
