i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag