Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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