vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day