If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
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My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude