yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
