I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
