Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
