Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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