Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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