Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Never joke about your clitoris.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
