if you like me you must not know who I am
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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