oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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