Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
