Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We need a shit load of segways right now
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
