very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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