Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
